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  They both took a little while to catch their breath. Then Graham rolled over to face him. “I’m glad we did that.”

  Lawrence was spent. He was breathing hard when he finally answered. “Yeah, me too,” he said. He grabbed Graham’s hand and held it. Graham smiled at him. Lawrence cast his gaze down. He didn’t want to be negative about what had happened, but he also knew that he had to be realistic.

  “What is it?”

  “Listen,” he started. “I know that this was probably hard for you and me… I get it if you don’t want to do this again.”

  Graham’s eyes narrowed. “Do you not want to do this again?”

  “No, I—I do,” Lawrence said, shaking his head. “I really do. That was amazing. I just, I know today is a hard day for you, and I know that we talked about making decisions today. Big decisions.”

  “Yeah, I made a big decision,” Graham agreed, his voice fraught with caution. “That doesn’t mean that I made the wrong decision. The moment that you kissed me, I knew that it was the right decision.”

  “Are you sure?” Lawrence replied. “Because you might still change your mind.”

  Graham nodded. “I’m sure,” he said. “I still owe you that date, don’t I? Let me prove it to you.”

  “Let you prove what to me?”

  “That I’m interested, Lawrence,” he replied. “That I’m serious.”

  Lawrence’s eyes widened. “You’re serious?”

  Graham shrugged. “I told you before,” he said. “I’m kind of a hopeless romantic. I don’t do casual sex. Now I’m not saying that had to mean anything, because I don’t know how you felt, but I want to go out with you. See if we like each other. You’re right, I realized. You should be the one that gets to decide if you like me and I can’t do it for you.”

  “I know,” Lawrence said. “But still. I don’t want to force anything on you.”

  “You’re not forcing anything on me,” Graham replied. “And you’re wrong to think that you are. Like I said, let me prove it to you.”

  Lawrence was about to say that he would when he heard his phone ringing in the distance. The familiar ringtone was jarring, partly because he had received online calls but never any phone calls when he was in the skerry.

  Graham narrowed his eyes. “I think that’s your phone.”

  “Yeah, you’re right,” Lawrence said. He had put his phone and his keys on the coffee table in the living room, when they had been playing games, so he ran out to answer it before it went to voicemail. He saw his mom’s face on his screen, brought the phone to his face, and made sure to answer quickly. “Mom? Hello?”

  “Hi, sweetheart,” she replied. “Do me a favor, will you? Sit down.”

  Lawrence blinked, and as if in a haze, he did as he was told. He sat down on Graham’s sofa. “Mom,” he said. “What’s going on?”

  He barely noticed that Graham was standing at the door, looking at him as he tried his best to gather his thoughts.

  “Your dad had a heart attack,” she finally replied. Her composure, which was normally rock-solid, had been slightly cracked. He could hear it in her voice. “We’re not sure what’s going to happen. The doctors said—”

  “Can you put them on the phone, Mom? I’d like to talk to them,” Lawrence replied, his voice barely above a whisper.

  “Not right now,” she said. “They’re currently operating.”

  Lawrence rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Okay,” he said. “Okay. I’m going to be there as soon as I can, okay?”

  “If you can’t make it—”

  “I can make it,” Lawrence said. “I’ll figure something out, even if I have to go with a private carrier.”

  “Okay,” his mother replied, sniffling. “I’m sure he would love to see you, just in case—”

  “I’m on my way,” Lawrence replied, not letting her finish. “Is Cora with you?”

  “Yes,” she said.

  “Put her on the phone,” Lawrence said. “Has she spoken to the doctors?”

  “Yes, she went to school with a couple of them,” his mom replied.

  “Good,” he replied, closing his eyes. “Cora went to one of the best med schools in the world.”

  His mom put his sister on the phone and they spent a while talking about his father’s condition. Their mother had good reason to be as worried as she was, their father’s heart attack had been sudden and it seemed like it was bad. Their father wasn’t in fantastic shape, he was old and he was a little on the heavier side despite their mother’s best efforts. He was active, but he needed to do more for himself and Lawrence was fully aware of that. The problem was that he was a seven-hour flight away and the helicopter only came to the skerry when it was called. Once he was done speaking to his sister, who seemed to have the situation well in hand—in as much as she could, because no matter their knowledge, they were powerless in the face of disease, especially when it came to their own family members.

  He hung up the phone and put it next to him on the sofa, his head spinning. Everything was overwhelming him right then. The sex with Graham, the phone call with his mother—what had he been thinking? He knew that his father wasn’t in the best health, but he had been constantly reassured that he would be fine and he had chosen to believe him. Part of him wished that he hadn’t.

  “Lawrence,” Graham said. He was still naked, but Lawrence wasn’t paying attention to that then, no matter how beautiful he was. He sat down next to him and held his hand, threading his fingers between Lawrence’s own. “What’s going on?”

  “My dad,” Lawrence said. “He had a heart attack. He’s in the hospital now and I… I can’t go. Not yet.”

  Graham swallowed. “How bad is it?”

  “Bad,” Lawrence replied. “They were talking about the possibility of a rupture and I…”

  “What?”

  “If I take too long to get there, I won’t get to say good-bye,” Lawrence quietly said.

  “Okay,” Graham replied. “You stay here. I’ll sort this out.”

  Lawrence watched him, his brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

  “You remember how it’s my job to make life easier for you?”

  Lawrence nodded.

  “This falls under that umbrella,” Graham said. “I’m going to call Michelle so that she can help you get ready because I assume you’re not packed?”

  Lawrence shook his head, watching Graham mutely. He didn’t know what to say to him anymore. He was watching him through a veil of tears. He didn’t want to cry right then, he didn’t want to do it in front of Graham when Graham was already having such a hard time.

  “I’m going to walk you home,” Graham said. He got to his feet and walked away from him. In about a minute, he was fully dressed, his hair unkempt. He extended his hand so that Lawrence could grab it. He felt unsteady on his feet, but Graham held him close. He continued holding him as they went down the stairs, out of Graham’s office and into his apartment across the street. He didn’t leave him alone at all, though Lawrence felt like he was in a dream, the way that Graham was moving him around. It was good, he would have been completely useless without Graham’s help. He wasn’t sure what was going on, but he felt like none of his muscles were responding. In theory, and somewhat absent-mindedly, Lawrence knew that he should be packing up, getting ready to go, but all that he managed to do was sit there and watch Graham.

  “I’m going to be on the phone for a little while,” Graham said. “I want you to stay here and hang out while I’m on the phone, okay? Don’t go anywhere.”

  Lawrence opened his mouth to ask him where he would go, but he didn’t have it in him. He didn’t have it in him to talk at all. He simply nodded his assent and watch Graham use his phone, pacing around Lawrence’s living room until he was sure that he had left a mark on his floor. Lawrence was only vaguely aware that Graham was speaking different languages over the phone, sometimes English, sometimes French, and he wondered, idly, how many languages he spoke. Graham seemed to g
row more and more frustrated with the person he was talking to until he finally looked at Lawrence and smiled.

  “Okay,” he said. “We’re driving you to the beach in half an hour.”

  Lawrence nodded, blinking his eyes a couple of times. “Where’s Michelle?”

  Graham sighed. “She’s already here.”

  “I didn’t hear her come in,” Lawrence said quietly.

  “Hey, it’s okay.” Graham said. “We got your back, okay?”

  Lawrence nodded, then swallowed. “I can’t leave you without a doctor,” he said. “I’ll be back as soon as I—”

  “Go,” Graham said. “Let me do my job. Go see your father.”

  Lawrence closed his eyes, hot tears sliding down his cheeks. “Thank you.”

  “It’s fine,” Graham said. “I’m just doing my job. I’ll take your bags to my car and drive you to the beach, okay?”

  “Okay,” Lawrence replied and tried for a smile. “Thanks again.”

  “Of course,” Graham said. “I’ve got your back.”

  Chapter Six

  Lawrence thought it was strange that his body had gotten so used to the heat so quickly. The cool fall breeze felt like it made its way through his skin and into his bones. It didn’t help that he hadn’t eaten much, but he could hardly stomach any food. It didn’t matter how appetizing a casserole that a neighbor had brought them smelled, just looking at it churned his stomach.

  Jorge, his brother-in-law, joined him outside on the porch. Lawrence always went to the seats out there when he needed time to be away from everyone and over the past week, that had been where he had found most solace. He found grieving alone better than grieving with people. Still, he had responsibilities, and grief was only an excuse for so long. Graham had been extremely understanding, because he was always extremely understanding, but Lawrence didn’t like that he had put him in that position.

  “Hey,” Jorge said. “Do you mind some company?”

  “No,” Lawrence said, closing his eyes and leaning back on the chair. “How are you doing?”

  “Okay,” Jorge replied. “Finally got Monkey to sleep. Hopefully Cora will sleep too, soon.”

  Lawrence smiled at him. “How do you do it?”

  “Do what?”

  “You loved my dad,” Lawrence said. “And obviously you adore Cora and Mona, but you’re just…”

  “What?” Jorge said.

  “I don’t know, you’re so steady in the face of all of this,” Lawrence replied. “You’ve been incredible to all of us and it’s such a relief to see my sister taken care of. And my mom. I was so worried about her when I left.”

  “Your mom is going to be fine,” Jorge replied. “She’s the strongest woman I have ever met. Don’t tell your sister I said that.”

  Lawrence smiled. “I won’t,” Lawrence said. “But seriously, how?”

  “I don’t know,” Jorge said. “It’s hard for me too, obviously, because your dad was like a father to me, but being with the people I love helps me. It reminds me of what’s important. Isn’t it helping you?”

  Lawrence nodded. “No, it is. I’m pretty sure that it is.”

  “But you’re worried you’re going to have to go soon?”

  “Yeah, that’s part of it. I just, I don’t know, I feel like something is missing.”

  “Someone special?”

  Lawrence watched Jorge, his eyes narrow. “Am I that easy to read?”

  “You’re pretty much a carbon copy of your sister,” Jorge said, shrugging. “No offense.”

  Lawrence laughed. “If I had the energy, I would totally be offended.”

  “Okay.”

  “It just feels like this is right,” Lawrence replied, closing his eyes. “You know, as right as it can be. But someone is missing.”

  Jorge nodded. “So call him.”

  “He’s not going to be able to come here,” Lawrence said after side-eyeing Jorge. “And even if he could, what could I say? We didn’t even formally date, we just kind of hooked up once. I can’t exactly tell him I need emotional support.”

  “I mean,” Jorge replied, shaking his head. “If there’s ever a time when you need emotional support, it’s now. And isn’t this the perfect way to find out if he’s as invested as you are?”

  “What if he’s not, and I can’t take it?”

  “You’re strong,” Jorge said, clapping his hand over Lawrence’s shoulder. “Stronger than you give yourself credit for.”

  Lawrence’s eyes welled up with tears. “I don’t know,” he said. “I’m crying a lot lately.”

  “Good,” Jorge replied. “I told you that you were strong. I never said that you were a robot.”

  “If he says no?”

  “Then I’m here,” Jorge said. “We’re all here. You have us.”

  Lawrence was going to say something else, but Jorge got up and retreated back into the house before he could. Lawrence mulled it over for a few minutes. He supposed that Jorge was right and that the worst that Graham could say was no. Then, at the end, Lawrence could always make the conversation about work. That could save him.

  Graham answered his phone in two rings. “Hey,” he said. “I don’t know if you got my email.”

  “I did,” Lawrence said, neglecting to mention how long he had stared at Graham’s words on his screen. “Thank you. That was kind of you.”

  “It’s the least I could do,” Graham said. “I am so sorry for your loss, Lawrence.”

  “Thank you,” Lawrence replied. “I appreciate it. And I appreciate everything you did. Because of you, I got to say good-bye.”

  Graham didn’t say anything for a bit. “I wish you were home under different circumstances.”

  “Me too,” Lawrence said. “I was just talking to my brother-in-law and… okay, tell me if this is crazy, but would it be too outrageous if you came here for a week, then we both went back to the skerry together?”

  Graham didn’t reply at first and Lawrence’s heart started to beat hard in his chest.

  “Look,” he said. “I know it’s a lot and I know that you can’t really have someone else doing your job when you’re not there but—”

  “Give me your address,” Graham said after a while. “I’ll make it work.”

  “Really?” Lawrence said. He realized that he sounded like a child, so he cleared his throat and took a deep breath before he spoke. “What about the skerry? They need you. They need a doctor.”

  “I found a doctor to come cover for you when you’re not here,” he said. “She’s inexperienced and she’s only going to be here for a couple of months, but you’re right, we needed one.”

  “So that means—”

  “Remember how I told you I’m good at my job?”

  Lawrence nodded, fully aware that Graham couldn’t see him. “You did.”

  “Well, I am,” Graham said. “That means I can take a week off pretty confidently. Email me your address.”

  “Okay,” Lawrence said. “I will. And Graham?”

  “Yes?”

  “Thank you,” he said. “I can’t wait to see you.”

  “Yeah,” Graham replied. “Me either.”

  ***

  Lawrence knew that he should have really planned Graham’s stay some more, a fact that he only became fully cognizant of when he had parked his little car at O’Hare. He’d been driving since he was sixteen years old and he realized that he missed it, but he didn’t miss the parking fees that came with it. Still, he wasn’t going to let Graham find his own way to Lawrence’s house, because that would have felt unfair and unkind. When he was standing in domestic arrivals, waiting for Graham to get there, it was when Lawrence realized that he hadn’t even found Graham a place to sleep when he was staying. There were no arrangements, it had completely slipped his mind. Ideally, Lawrence would have preferred that Graham stay with him, in his bed, but he also knew that it might be a bit much, considering the circumstances.

  He shook his head. He would have to figure somethi
ng out. Lawrence was definitely not an administrator and performing at work wasn't even a consideration right then. It didn't matter though, at least not at first, because Graham saw him and waved enthusiastically at him. The way he hugged him, too, made everything feel like it was okay, at least for a split second.

  There was no awkwardness there, which was surprising, because Lawrence had definitely expected it. Lawrence tilted his head up to speak to him but before he could open his mouth, Graham kissed him softly on the lips.

  “Hey,” he said, his hands never leaving Lawrence’s waist. “I’m sorry it took me so long to get here.”

  “I’m sorry it took me so long to invite you,” Lawrence replied.

  “It’s okay,” Graham said. “How are you doing? You look like you’ve lost weight. Are you eating?”

  Lawrence didn’t know how to answer, so he laughed instead. “I mean… kind of?”

  “Well, let’s go,” Graham said. “I’ll buy lunch.”

  “You’re hungry?”

  “Starving,” Graham replied. “You can watch me eat, but I would feel a little self-conscious. Will you eat too? At least a bit?”

  “Okay,” Lawrence said. “But only because you came here to see me.”

  “Good,” Graham said. “But don’t force yourself either, okay?”

  Lawrence cocked his head.

  “Grief is a terrible thing,” Graham replied. “Honor your body.”

  “You sound like a postcard.”

  “I missed you too.”

  Lawrence smiled, his heart leaping in his chest. Then he buried his face in Graham’s pectoral muscles. “I missed you so much.”

  Graham wrapped his arms around Lawrence’s shoulders. “I’m here now.”

  Lawrence looked down at his feet, his cheeks red with heat. “Is it okay if you stay—uh, with me?”

  Graham cocked his head.

  “What do you mean? I can sleep on the sofa if—”