Caribbean Heat Read online

  He had been, of course, watching Graham for signs of anaphylactic shock, but sometimes an allergic reaction could take a little while, and Lawrence wasn’t sure when, exactly, Graham had gotten bitten.

  “No, everything is fine,” Graham replied. “Just stings like a motherfucker.”

  “Gotcha,” Lawrence said. “Well, it's done. You should be feeling some relief now. Are you?”

  Graham nodded, and Lawrence watched as his fingers dug into the sand beneath him. “Yes, I am. It’s still itching, but it doesn’t hurt as much.”

  “I’ll get you on an antihistamine when we go back to relieve the itching. I didn’t see any scrapes or anything. We’ll have to wash your leg with soap when we get back before you can put cream on it, though.”

  “We will?” Graham said, emphasizing the first word.

  “It’s just a precaution,” Lawrence replied. “Preventative medicine saves lives.”

  “Yeah,” Graham replied. “I’ve noticed.”

  Neither one of them said anything for a second, and just like that, they were both left just like that, neither one of them talking at all. Lawrence was naked, leaning on him still, his hands still on his leg, and his heart was going a million miles a minute. Graham was naked, lying down on the beach, his back on warm sand. Neither one of them were looking at each other, but since the moment had passed, they both remembered to be embarrassed finally. Graham moved his knees to the side, curling himself in a half-fetal position, obviously trying to hide himself from Lawrence.

  Lawrence cleared his throat.

  “Let me get your clothes,” he said quietly.

  “Thank you,” Graham replied, his voice barely above a whisper.

  Lawrence ran to get their clothes again. He put on his own underwear and his shorts before he ran back to Graham’s side, handing him his clothes and turning away from him. He waited until Graham cleared his throat and turned back to look at him. He was standing in front of him, his clothes wet, a small smile on his face.

  “We should have brought towels,” Lawrence said.

  “We should have,” Graham replied. “We didn’t know what would happen, though.”

  “We didn’t,” Lawrence said, smiling at him.

  “And you won.”

  “But that was hardly fair,” Lawrence replied. “We should race again.”

  Graham chuckled. “And that would be fair?”

  “Right, good point,” Lawrence said. “Maybe another time.”

  “Still,” Graham said. “I think you can claim your prize, if you want to.”

  Lawrence smiled. “I want to.”

  “Good,” Graham said. He didn’t say anything else. He stayed standing where he was and Lawrence took a step forward, tilted his head up and planted a kiss on his lips. The kiss was soft and warm, sweet rather than passionate, and it seemed to last forever. Graham didn’t move his arms, he didn’t touch Lawrence at all, but Lawrence could still feel how deeply the kiss was felt by both of them. Finally, after a while, Lawrence pulled away from him.

  “How was that?” he asked, his voice quiet. He felt a little breathless from having kissed him and Graham looked him up and down for a second before he answered.

  “I think I need a moment to gather my thoughts,” he said quietly.

  “Okay,” Lawrence replied, trying to ignore how hard his heart was beating in his chest. He wanted to ask him more, but he didn’t dare do that. “Sure.”

  “That was… amazing,” Graham finally said.

  “It was just a kiss,” Lawrence replied shyly.

  “Oh,” Graham said, a hint of sadness in his voice. “I guess it wasn’t amazing for you, then.”

  “No, it—it was,” Lawrence said. “I just—I did win. And you did agree to a date.”

  “I did,” Graham replied. “If you won.”

  “And I won.”

  “So you want a date?”

  “If it’s possible to get one.”

  “It’s possible,” Graham replied. “But it might not be a good idea.”

  “Why not? I know it can be complicated with us both living on the skerry and stuff but—”

  Graham held his hand up. “No,” he said. “It’s not that.”

  “What is it, then?”

  “I come with a lot of baggage, Lawrence.”

  “You also come with an amazing chest, so I’ll deal,” Lawrence said.

  Graham chuckled quietly, shaking his head. “It might be more than you can handle, Lawrence.”

  “Shouldn’t I get to decide that?”

  “Yeah,” Graham said, licking his lips. “I guess.”

  Chapter Five

  Jimmy Hunter looked at Lawrence with wide eyes. After Lawrence had done a plethora of exams on him, there was only one possibility left. In reality, the sepsis had probably been a blessing in disguise, because juvenile diabetes was a serious diagnosis, one that required a lot of self-care and could be fatal if it wasn’t managed.

  “You have something called type 1 diabetes,” Lawrence said. He had taken the blood sugar test himself and it was higher than he had expected, but he had done that during the night, when Jimmy was sleeping. He had gone down to the clinic on a hunch and woken him up, giving him a test by pricking his fingers. He had ordered a fasting test and a urine test, and the levels were exactly what Lawrence had expected for a child with type-1 diabetes. Jimmy Hunter was at a healthy weight and height for his age, he was active, and he ate relatively well. So he didn’t think that it was likely to happen, but he, of course, had to be sure. Bodies were strange, and he would have hated to misdiagnose Jimmy Hunter because of a simple oversight.

  “What does that mean?”

  “Diabetes 1 is what it’s called when your immune system destroys certain cells in your body that you need. These cells make insulin. Do you know what is?”

  “No,” Jimmy said, shaking his head.

  Lawrence sat at the edge of his cot and looked down at his face. “You need insulin to live. Insulin moves glucose from your blood to your cells.”

  “Okay.”

  “Your cells need insulin because that’s what allows your body to use sugar as energy and fuel. Insulin also makes sure that your body has as much sugar in it as you need. It’s the hormone that will tell your body if your sugar is too low or if you need more sugar.”

  “But I don’t have it.”

  “Right. You have to produce insulin, and your body is producing it, but your immune system is getting rid of it.”

  “My immune system?”

  “That’s what stops you from getting very sick when you have a cold, for instance,” Lawrence said. “Or when you cut your body and get an infection.”

  “Wait,” Jimmy said, knitting his brows together. He looked up at his mother, a beautiful woman, who was standing right next to him and holding his hand. Lawrence had insisted that Karen call her when he was explaining diabetes to Jimmy, since they would need to handle it as a family. He had emphasized that it was important and the moment that he had explained the diagnosis to Karen, she had called her neighbor. It was important that he address Jimmy, though he suspected that his mother would be the one with the majority of the questions. “Does that mean that the… infection… that I’m here for, does it have something to do with that?”

  “In a way, yes,” Lawrence replied. “You see, you are an otherwise very healthy young man. But the diabetes makes you more susceptible to infections, and because it also makes you more susceptible to have wounds that don't heal well, you're going to have to watch out for stuff like this. You’re very lucky, and very blessed to have the family you have, because you got here just in time, before the sepsis got as bad as it could have been.”

  “Okay,” Jimmy said.

  Lawrence nodded. “So now you’re getting treatment, and it's kind of a blessing in disguise because otherwise we would have not have found your diabetes until you started presenting other symptoms. Karen will do a full check-up to make sure that you aren’t, becaus
e your sugar needs to be managed, especially if it’s already affecting you.”

  “My sugar?”

  “Yes, your insulin,” Lawrence replied. “Remember how I said that your body was attacking it? That means you're going to have to replace the insulin that your body isn't producing with insulin that you put in your body. Do you understand what I'm saying?”

  “Yes, I need to replace the insulin.”

  “Yes, exactly,” Lawrence replied. He looked up at Jimmy Hunter’s mother before he spoke again. “You're also going to have to monitor your sugar intake and you're going to have to pay closer attention to your diet.”

  “We will, Dr. Jones,” Mrs. Hunter said, nodding her head along.

  Lawrence nodded, looking down at Jimmy again. “You're not going to be able to eat what you eat with your friends a lot for instance. Carbohydrates need to be closely monitored. You also need to be very active, I know that you're part of the football team, but you may need to start monitoring your activity level. You also don’t want to have your blood sugar too low, which may happen if you’re active and you don’t eat. We're also going to be monitoring your closely because you are a very transitional period in your life, and because of that your hormones will change. So we're going to keep a close eye while we decide on your insulin requirements. Do you have any questions for me?”

  “No,” he replied. “Thank you, doctor.”

  “Yes, Dr. Jones,” his mother said. “Thank you so much for your help.”

  “Of course,” Lawrence replied. “Karen will help you with some resources and I will connect you to some online communities that will help you out.”

  “Thanks again.”

  “Sure,” Lawrence replied, smiling at them. “Diabetes can be a little intimidating, but I promise that with the right management, Jimmy will be fine.”

  He moved away from them, looking around at the clinic, which was empty. It was almost time to close—Lawrence still thought it was weird that the clinic ever closed at all, but he supposed it made sense because of their limited resources. That didn’t mean that he liked it.

  Michelle waved at him as she started to lock up. She put the clipboard up on the wall, said something to Karen, then went out the door. Lawrence said good-bye to everyone at the clinic, since there were a couple of other patients there, and then decided that he would go upstairs and take a shower before he popped over to see Graham. They hadn’t decided when their date would be, and it wasn’t necessarily about that, but Lawrence needed to check up on the jellyfish sting. Plus, he wanted to see him, too. There was also that. Luckily, the sting was a bit of an excuse.

  As he stepped out the door, though, Graham was there. “Hey,” he said. “Can I talk to you for a second?”

  Lawrence furrowed his brow. “Sure,” he replied, looking him up and down. Graham didn’t look well. He didn’t look sick, Lawrence didn’t think, but he looked upset. “Look, Graham, if this is about the letter, my mom really liked the email and—”

  “It’s not about the letter,” Graham replied.

  “Are you okay? Can you breathe—”

  “I’m fine, Lawrence, it’s not about my health either.”

  “Oh,” Lawrence replied. “Okay.”

  Graham looked around at the street, as if it was the first time that he had ever seen it. “Let’s go to my place,” he said. “It’s a little more private.”

  “Sure,” Lawrence replied. He followed Graham across the street, to his shady office, and then up the stairs. His apartment was very similar to Lawrence’s, but a little bigger and more tastefully decorated, and the furniture was all carefully picked out. It looked expensive. There were also ceiling fans, something which his apartment sorely lacked.

  “Sit down, please,” Graham said. He sat down on the sofa in front of him and took a deep breath.

  Lawrence watched him, his brows knitted. He sat down across from him, on a big chair, and leaned forward as he listened to Graham. “Graham, what’s going on?”

  “I’ve been thinking about what you said a lot,” Graham replied.

  “About what?”

  “About going out together,” Graham said, shaking his head. “On a date.”

  “Okay,” Lawrence said, his heart leaping in his chest. He was feeling extremely anxious and his heart had dropped to his stomach. He tried to make sure that his voice sounded even when he spoke, though he felt like throwing up. “Well, look, Graham, I can deal with rejection. Really. You don’t have to make it into a big deal, okay?”

  Graham swallowed. “I want to go out with you.”

  “So go out with me,” Lawrence said, shrugging his shoulders.

  Graham tilted his head up and sniffed, and for the first time ever, Lawrence realized that his eyes were welling up with tears. “I’m messed up, Lawrence. You deserve better than me.”

  “Do I?” Lawrence said, cocking his head. “Shouldn’t I be the one who gets to decide that?”

  “I’m—fuck, Lawrence, why do you have to make this hard?”

  “Because I want to go out with you,” Lawrence replied. “And I mean, no offense, Graham, but you’re making this really dramatic. It's not like I'm asking you to marry me. I just want to spend some time with you, see if we like each other.”

  Graham rubbed his temple and bit down hard. Lawrence could see his jaw working when he did. “What if we do?”

  Lawrence cocked his head. “What if we like each other? I don't know,” he said, shrugging. “If we like each other, we just do what people do. We spend some time together, maybe have a relationship, if it's what we both want.”

  Graham said. “Lawrence,” he said. “I’m really shit at relationships.”

  “Well,” Lawrence replied, leaning back and relaxing slightly. Graham seemed sincere to him and that made him feel better. At least he wasn’t trying to blow him off. “I don't have a great track record either. But I'm willing to try to make something work, if that's what you want.”

  Graham shut his eyes tightly. “It’s not that.”

  Lawrence smiled, a little sadly. “It sounds like it's not what you want.”

  “I know, but it's not that bad. I swear.”

  Lawrence leaned forward again. “Okay, then what is it?”

  “Today is the day,” Graham said, looking away from him.

  “Today is the day?”

  Graham wouldn’t look at him. “Today is the day that Jean Luc died.”

  Lawrence swallowed. “You mean the anniversary of his death?”

  Graham nodded. “Yes, today is the day that he died, three years ago. I'm a fucking mess. Honestly, I thought I would be more over it by now—”

  “It’s okay, Graham,” Lawrence said quietly. “Anniversaries are hard. Grief is a terrible thing. You need to allow yourself time to grieve, even if it’s many years later.”

  “You’re so kind,” Graham said as he shook his head. “And I don't think that you should have to deal with this, when you are gorgeous, successful, amazing. And kind. You're going to find somebody, and it should be somebody who is in your league.”

  Lawrence narrowed his eyes slightly. “And you're out of my league?”

  Graham laughed, throwing his head back. “No,” he said. “I'm not even in the playing field.”

  “Okay, stop,” Lawrence said, waving his hand in front of him. “Look, I’m not saying that you're wrong, and I’m not trying to pressure you for a date or anything, but are you sure that you should be making decisions right now?”

  “What do you mean?”

  Lawrence sighed, his heart still beating fast. He hated talking to Graham like this, but it had to be done. He was also glad that Graham had reached out to him when he was upset, even if he had done it in a roundabout way that Lawrence didn’t think made much sense. He took a deep breath before he spoke. “I mean, this is clearly a very difficult day for you. You might not want to make decisions that will affect your future when you're this upset.”

  Graham watched him, his eyes nar
row. “Wait, does that mean that you don't believe me?”

  Lawrence shook his head. “Oh no, I believe you. I know you are doing what you think is best for you, and maybe for me, but I also know that you're a human being, and your decisions are affected by your mood. Today, you're upset. You're allowed to be upset, Graham. You have something really big to be upset about, so I get it. And if you call me tomorrow and you tell me that this off forever, then I will respect that. I'm not a creep. But I don't respect this. Because I think that you might regret the decision and I want to give you an out. If you want it, of course.”

  Almost before he had to finish speaking, Graham had launched himself at him, and his mouth was on Lawrence before he could process what was going on. Graham was kissing him on the mouth, passionately, deeply, his tongue inside of his mouth, his hands on his chest and starting to undo the buttons of his guayabera. Lawrence was confused because he had barely seen Graham cross the living room, it had happened so quickly. But his weight was on Lawrence, and his knees were on each side of his legs and his crotch was touching Lawrence’s crotch. Lawrence could feel the fabric of this linen pants getting tighter as his erection got bigger.

  “Wait,” Lawrence said breathlessly, barely able to pull himself away from Graham’s kiss. “Wait, wait.”

  Graham moved his mouth away from Lawrence, but he didn’t shift positions. Then he looked at Lawrence and his eyes widened. He was clearly horrified. “Oh, fuck,” he said, getting off him quickly. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t want—I thought that you wanted to do that and I—”

  “I did, Graham,” Lawrence said, getting to his feet and walking over to him. He grabbed his hand and held it. Graham’s hand was soft and sweaty in his, but Lawrence didn’t let go. “I do, I swear. But not today. I wasn't just talking about a decision like canceling our date, I was also talking about sex. That's a pretty big decision, and it's not one I think you should make on a day like this. Then I would definitely feel used. You don't want me to feel used by you?”

  Graham narrowed his eyes. “No, I don't want you to feel used.”

  “Okay,” Lawrence said. “So let’s skip all that.”